CALMAT, or Chmaj and Lyle Make A Thing, is broken down into two separate categories:
Category 1: Determining what is and is not a Thing.
Until official documentation otherwise, all entities not classified as a Thing are considered a ‘Something.’
Every week (unless we are busy or missing), the CALMAT team will be publishing an exposé on a singular ‘Something’ in an attempt to determine its Thingularity.
Thingularity is a statistical average of all relevant data points on a scale from 0 to 10. A score on the National Thingularity Index closer to 0 indicates the strong likelihood that ‘Something’ may not be a Thing, whereas a score closer to 10 is a strong indicator that ‘Something’ may be a Thing.
The National Thingularity Index (NTI) is the national standard for determining if Something is a Thing and checks Somethings for:
Hardness:
How hard is the Something? A 0 indicates that Something that cannot stand criticism by its peers and folds under pressure, whereas a 10 indicates that Something is healthily adjusted to society and hard.
Reality:
How Real is the Something? A 0 indicates Something that is fictional, whereas a 10 indicates reality.
Color:
How color is Something? A 0 indicates Something that could not be found in haystack, whereas a 10 indicates that Something may be a peacock.
Edibility:
How edible is Something? A 0 indicates Something that should not be put in your mouth, whereas a 10 indicates Something is possibly food.
Vertical Reach:
The most important statistical indicator of Thingularity, how much Vertical Reach does Something have? A 0 indicates that Something is deserving of a low-five, whereas a 10 indicates that Something is deserving of a high five.
These rankings, upon tabulation, are totaled to a score ranging from 0-10,000 in order to fully determine a Somethings Thingularity.
Because the nature of Somethings is a difficult and intensive study that requires training and luck, Chmaj & Lyle will then use their powers of human reasoning to determine if ‘Something’ is or is not in fact a Thing. This decision will override any results generated on the National Thingularity Index.
Category 2: Making a Thing
While we will be dedicating a portion of our time into Thingology research, Ultimately, CALMAT is a Thing we’re making so we can make Things. Now, this might seem confusing, but making a Thing is actually a fairly simple process that can easily be broken down into a few steps that are as easy as 1, 2, 3, 4!
STEP 1: Picking the Thing
In our journey to settle questions on the nature of Things once and for all, We here at Chmaj & Lyle Make a Thing possess a vast well of Things we would like to make.
We use a sophisticated democratic, open-source process revolving around dumping all our ideas into a hat and randomly choosing one. It is in this way that we keep the core spirit of Thingology alive: the Thing chooses you, not the other way around.
STEP 2: Research the Thing and publish results on BATTLE BOARD
Before deploying our talents and expertise full-force we engage in a rigorous, violently-brutal process to fully define the scope, scale, and complex moving parts required to make the Thing.
Results of our studies and preparations are posted to the BATTLE BOARD via liberal application of sticky notes and yarn, in order to ensure no stone is left un-turned or step left un-listed in our future workflow.
STEP 3: Announce the Thing we are going to make with much pomp.
In order to properly document the Thing-making process, CALMAT requires a grand unveiling of the task at hand. Using the BATTLE BOARD as a primary point of reference, we will fully underline and explain the goal and plan for making the Thing.
A statistical info-graphic and progress bar will also be provided to help track progress, and setbacks over the course of our making of the Thing.
STEP 4: Make the Thing.
As soon as the horns have ceased their fanfare and champagne has christened the BATTLE BOARD, CALMAT will engage all resources and energies not spent paying rent into creating the Thing in its flawless form.
We will proceed to document all necessary steps and details as they come up, in order to leave a tribute and testament to our tireless efforts for generations to come.
CHMAJ & LYLE MAKE A THING 