You’ve been here with us through a roller coaster of emotions. You laughed with us when we met Cowbell man. You cried when Chmaj became a pop tarts test subject. You even became a Hun in the great fight against bums. But now, today, you can do all of that and more!
Today is a very important day at CALMAT. Today is the day we throw open wide the doors to the CALMAT labs and unleash what has been cooking in the e-z bake oven within.
Today is Thing 1 Day. Today marks [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] of the CALMAT brand into a household name whose legacy will survive long past we have all grown into trees or whatever science deigns to turn us into.
[REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]. [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED], [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED], was purchased, [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED],[REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]of financing [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] financial markets[REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]. The thing of the week had [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] the content we [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] post. The truth of the matter is [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED].
It’s a lot of work to grow a new Thing. Sometimes you aren’t even sure if it’s a Thing until [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED],[REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED],[REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]. Things take a lot of love, water, and [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]. But slowly and surely, as you pour stuff into a Thing, it [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]. [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]. [REDACTED] it’s still really cool.
We are[REDACTED]entirely sure this Thing will do everything we [REDACTED] it will. [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED], this [REDACTED] will revolutionize the way we consume media and live entertainment. It’s [REDACTED][REDACTED], [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]going to send shock waves through the [REDACTED][REDACTED]. [REDACTED][REDACTED] come into being so fully formed, write themselves, and assert their dominance in the same way that this Thing has over the past 8 months. It took us a lot of [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] to get the contract [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] but finally, [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED].
And that is why, without further ado, we here at CALMAT would like to introduce you to our first Thing. This, we are proud to say, is the finest Thing we here at CALMAT have yet produced. Greater even then the [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED], [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED], [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]. We have waited a long time to announce this Thing to the world, but the time was never right. Now, with all the proper implements in place and the stars in alignment ([REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED], [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]. [REDACTED][REDACTED], [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]; [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED], [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED].). We are finally able to stand before you, seated, and type to you these great words.
Without further ado, allow us to introduce you to
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