Hello Loyal Fans
You know what time it is!
Do what we say
It’s a lot of FUN
Become a part of the LUX Family
Abandon your family!
Burn your possessions!
Life is short
See the UVX before it ends
https://web.ovationtix.com/trs/pr/978218/prm/PLEASELUXDELUXETHANKYOU
The LUX
LUXURY
UNIVERSAL
EXPERIENCE
So what are you waiting for?
That’s right join the LUX family now!
https://web.ovationtix.com/trs/pr/978218
Promo code: PLEASELUXDELUXETHANKYOU only $150 for a Lifetime membership!
Onward to the future of cinema loyal followers!
So what are the top 3 ways LUX is 110% more fun other competing Cinema chains*?
#1 Movies
With the wide range of films in the LUX vault, ranging from classics such as Our Last Day In the Bahamas (1985) and Shepherds, Sheep, and Spies (1994) to lesser known art films such as Est(1964) LUX has something for everyone.
#2 John Pointe
He can walk. He can talk. He’s the only spokesperson who is 110% more FUN and on Linkedin!
#3 The LUX Deluxe
Only at a LUX screening can you become one of the most powerful moviegoers in the world!
By becoming a lifetime member of the LUX Deluxe you’re taking your moviegoing experience to the next level. Using LUX’s patented FUN app, LUX Deluxe patrons can vote to make changes to the screening, giving them all the power of a director and producer wrapped into one Ultimate mind-bending [e]Xperience.
And you can become LUX Deluxe RIGHT NOW at a discount with promo code PLEASELUXDELUXETHANKYOU : BUY TICKETS HERE!
That’s all for now!
*LUX is 110% more FUN than a Regal.
This week on CALMAT, brought to you by LUX
It’s an exciting adventure in how to become LUX, which might seem confusing
But don’t worry, it’s simple enough.
STEP 1
Connect to the internet
STEP 2
https://squareup.com/store/luxury-universal-experience
Step 3
Buy all the tickets to the UVX: The Ultimate Viewing [e]Xperience brought to you by LUX
Step 4
(optional, but strongly recommended)
Begin your life long LUX Deluxe Patronship
That’s it!
Now you’re part of the LUX family!
These are our 17 favorite fans AND movies, all in one list! Wow!
2. This fan, who doesn’t stop trying when the going gets rough
3. This Fan that brought their own internet cat
4. This one’s a BIG fan!
5. This fan is fabulous
6. This fan, who’s too cool for school
7. One of our favorite fans is Dat Phan
(Scroll to the bottom to see the video!)
8. This fan, who’s never ashamed to show their pride
9. This fan who is loving life!
10. This number one fan!
11. This old man fan becomes a baby fan, wow!
12. This fan, who never gives less than 110% service
13. This little fan who just can’t get enough
14. These fans, who also can’t get enough
15. But it’s okay, because we the best
16. Thanks Fans!
17. Out Of Africa
See you next week loyal fans!
Welcome back to Chmaj & Lyle Make A Thing, this week we will show you how to find our favorite patrons!
See you next Week!
Welcome fellow Patrons.***
This week we here at Chmaj & Lyle Make A thing tackle the top 10 things that are FUN about the movies.
Theaters have chairs that you can sit in. Wow! Can you believe how generous they are?
You never know when you’ll have to go. Thankfully, if you’re at the movie theater you don’t have to worry about where, just when.
Movie theaters are known for being a place where you can see all kinds of filmed entertainment for the low, low price of a ticket.
For your optimal viewing pleasure they make the rest of the theater dark while you watch a movie!
Seriously, it’s almost as big as your personal population center.
And the size of concessions is huge! It’s just like being a kid again.
Whether you’re a less than 110% more FUN loyal Regal Crown Club Member or a non-essential AMC Stubs Premiere member, or even a
member, you earn points for doing the thing you love most, seeing movies.
You can just relax because the movie theater already decides what is FUN.
Tickets are available to everyone at the movie theater and it’s always possible to get a ticket to a later screening if one is sold out.
I bet you haven’t seen Hot New Summer Blockbuster Trailer # 7 yet, have you? Get on that and go see a movie!
That’s it! Did we forget anything you think is FUN about going to the movies? Comment Below and let us know!*****
You’ve been here with us through a roller coaster of emotions. You laughed with us when we met Cowbell man. You cried when Chmaj became a pop tarts test subject. You even became a Hun in the great fight against bums. But now, today, you can do all of that and more!
Today is a very important day at CALMAT. Today is the day we throw open wide the doors to the CALMAT labs and unleash what has been cooking in the e-z bake oven within.
Today is Thing 1 Day. Today marks [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] of the CALMAT brand into a household name whose legacy will survive long past we have all grown into trees or whatever science deigns to turn us into.
[REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]. [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED], [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED], was purchased, [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED],[REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]of financing [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] financial markets[REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]. The thing of the week had [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] the content we [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] post. The truth of the matter is [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED].
It’s a lot of work to grow a new Thing. Sometimes you aren’t even sure if it’s a Thing until [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED],[REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED],[REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]. Things take a lot of love, water, and [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]. But slowly and surely, as you pour stuff into a Thing, it [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]. [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]. [REDACTED] it’s still really cool.
We are[REDACTED]entirely sure this Thing will do everything we [REDACTED] it will. [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED], this [REDACTED] will revolutionize the way we consume media and live entertainment. It’s [REDACTED][REDACTED], [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]going to send shock waves through the [REDACTED][REDACTED]. [REDACTED][REDACTED] come into being so fully formed, write themselves, and assert their dominance in the same way that this Thing has over the past 8 months. It took us a lot of [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] to get the contract [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] but finally, [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED].
And that is why, without further ado, we here at CALMAT would like to introduce you to our first Thing. This, we are proud to say, is the finest Thing we here at CALMAT have yet produced. Greater even then the [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED], [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED], [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]. We have waited a long time to announce this Thing to the world, but the time was never right. Now, with all the proper implements in place and the stars in alignment ([REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED], [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]. [REDACTED][REDACTED], [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]; [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED], [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED].). We are finally able to stand before you, seated, and type to you these great words.
Without further ado, allow us to introduce you to
TO FILE A COMPLAINT, PLEASE DIRECT YOUR COMPUTER TO http://www.luxuryuniversalexperience.com/contact/
[Excerpt taken from CALMAT-CON 2017]
CALMAT:
Hi guys!
[Thunderous applause]
Let’s just do it and be legends.
[Thunderous applause]
We’ve waited a long time to say that.
[Thunderous applause]
My body is ready.
[Thunderous applause]
We have a big announcement to share. At long last, the day we have all been waiting for has arrived. And it gives me great pleasure to unveil this to you today.
[Thunderous applause]
We’ve had a lot of discussion about which one of our most popular characters should be ready to appear as our first big Thing comes to market.
[Thunderous applause]
So last year, we stood here and showed you a video of this crazy thing we’re making. Almost 10 years ago, we, as many of you did, fell in love with a Thing. That Thing took us to the second crusade. And we fell in love again when it took us to the Enlightenment. Over the years this amazing thing has taken us to the Chinese Revolution, the Vikings invasion of Britain, Feudal Japan, and of course, to the republic of Zimbabwe.
[Thunderous applause]
This year, I really just want to tell you all about it. Since our first article, over the last 3, 4 posts, we have poured our energy, our talent, our passion into bringing the land of pyramids, pharaohs, and mummies to life. Now we’re in Egypt. So we’re looking into this military camp and we’re going tag a few enemies here. After the announcement, we will infiltrate this camp either through stealth, or combat, or ranged weaponry.
[Thunderous applause]
This Thing truly is open world. Now Egypt challenged us, it fundamentally challenged us to reinvent CALMAT.
[Thunderous applause]
CALMAT, the benchmark of engineering excellence, combining 3 32-bit processors with 5 additional processors to create a head-snapping 500,000 polygons per second. Experience the monster torque and parallel processing power with all the speed and handling you’ve come to expect, and every inch is CALMAT. You thought you knew how to do the Thing, but no one has done it this hard, this fast, this real until now. Come look into the world of CALMAT.
[Thunderous applause]
CALMAT, the most powerful, the most technologically advanced, anywhere. Yeah.
[Thunderous applause]
And we’re excited to announce we have seen more than 85 million units shipped worldwide. Like this.
[Thunderous applause]
Now it’s time to explore your inner realm. Open your brain, look inside. Oh, we’re trimming our toenails, how nice. We’re five years away from the twenty-first century.
[Thunderous applause]
Next, imagine we’re in the solar system that we’re currently at, and then we’re here here at the boundary between two warring factions. We could join in, we could take sides. So that’s a tiny glimpse of space combat, but we’ve only got three minutes and there’s loads we want to tell you about. Remember, battles like that are taking place across the universe. In our minds, if we pull back a little bit, and we’re going to pull back a little bit more to give you a sense of the size of CALMAT, and when we do, understand that every one of those points of light in your mind is a sun, and everyone one of those suns has its own solar system with planet sized planets orbiting around it. Those have life, ecology. Now most of these places we’re talking about have never been visited. Many of them never will be. And if you think really hard about it, over there in the distance is the center of the galaxy. that’s where we’re all trying to get to.
[Thunderous applause]
And now i’m going to do something really stupid. Over the next few days you will see, play, and feel, this reinvented experience. We are deeply honored, and proud, to be representing the amazing work of a phenomenal team. and thrilled to show you this beast we have been building.
[Thunderous applause]
Without further ado, here is a taste of CALMAT. The Thing is the newest and most indulgent taste temptation from CALMAT. delivering crystal clear digital video and rich creamy 3-d graphics. and each unit is topped off with a delicious DSP chip dedicated to Scrumptious Cd quality sound. this gourmet meal from Sega goes well with all these yummy mouthwatering things. Revolutionary sports and arcade gameplay, all with amazing new 3-d experiences never before possible at home.
[Thunderous applause]
Wow. Cool.
[Thunderous Applause]
Next, I’m just going to pick one of these at random. Now we can go there. But if anything horrible goes wrong, just keep in mind, that I’ve not been there before. Cool. So here we are in an undiscovered solar system, probably no one’s ever been here before. In our heads we can do a scan. And when we do you’ll imagine some points of interest. You see that red one down there? It’s a beacon. And i’ve made it so there’s always a beacon near where we are. So beacons are where you- beacons are where you can upload discoveries. That’s it over there. Behind that rock, and and now we’re on this planet we’ve just found. Just an alien world we’ve found together. This is planet CALMAT. And it’s not like the prettiest planet, we’ve all seen better, but we’ve also seen a lot worse. So now, we can do a scan. And, uh, as luck would have it there’s no alien life. But we can show you this. So every planet in every solar system is fully destructible.
[Thunderous Applause]
Hear that? There are these guys called the sentinels. They protect the planets from explorers like us. Now we’re underwater. There’s some fish. There’s some CALMAT fish. Cool, so now we need to find that beacon and we can upload those discoveries. So now when the Thing is out and we’ll announce a release date soon, we promise, when the Thing is out one of you might one day come across this planet. And that’s just a little glimpse of the Thing. It’s got trading, fighting, exploring, survival.
[Thunderous Applause]
It’s a huge Thing. What we’re trying to say is, this is a giant sandbox we’re making, a universe sized sandbox. It’s full of choices. Humankind stands on the edge of the interactive age. Now this was okay in rehearsal otherwise we wouldn’t be here.
[Thunderous Applause]
We’re going to be entering the open world. So don’t forget you can read this article in its entirety from our home page where you can live this new experience of CALMAT. Go farther than you have ever gone before. Do your Things in the 21st century and leave the rest of the world behind. It’s out there. We’re going to continue to make Things like this, the kind you can do with your friends and family.
[Thunderous Applause]
Thank you. We have arranged for you to meet our companion. He will lead you. Watch and listen.
[Thunderous Applause. The lights shimmer and go out. Fog rolls in and lasers fire off in every direction. Confetti falls from the sky.]
CHMAJ & LYLE MAKE A THING 