19 INSANE Facts about Chmaj that will Blow Your Mind!

  1. At one point in his life, Chmaj was less than 5’ tall. He is now taller than that.
  2. Chmaj once rode a horse, it was fun. The handler was a racist.
  3. You may be surprised to learn that Alex’s first name is not in fact Chmaj, as Lyle believed for the first 3 years he knew him
  4. Chmaj goes by his last name after years of crippling trauma in grade school thinking he was in trouble when that other Alex did a bad thing and Mrs.[ rest omitted for brevity]
  5. Chmaj loves dinosaurs and refuses to accept that Tyrannosaurus Rex was a scavenger.
  6. Chmaj prefers paper books to plastic books
  7. Chmaj loves all food except for mushrooms (but he’s not a jerk about it).
  8. It may shake the foundations of your understandings of reality and God, but Chmaj has watched a movie in a theater while eating popcorn.
  9. Chmaj is a medically-certified Narcoleptic, and can achieve REM state in under 6 seconds. It’s a neat party trick.
  10. Robert DeNiro once hit Chmaj with a rubber table leg during an incidental scene in the independent film ‘Being Flynn.’ Chmaj didn’t realize who it was until the next day because DeNiro is a national treasure.
  11. Flannel is Chmaj’s favorite fabric. Not by choice but by nationality.
  12. A massive fan of Calligraphy, Chmaj keeps his calligraphy kit and tools within line of sight so that one day he will remember to pick it up again as a hobby.
  13. While he used to skateboard, Chmaj has an affinity for Vans in the present decade due to his huge mutant feet which no other shoe is able to contain.
  14. Television is something that Chmaj is aware exists. He’s even watched it a few times!
  15. Due to the onset of Mp3 technology and portable audio players, Chmaj’s taste in music stops at 2005.
  16. Chmaj once ‘hired’ a goldfish to be an actor for a student film. Because the fish performed so well on a non-union payscale and refused to die of trauma, Chmaj took pity, named him Sparkles, and upgraded him to a ‘penthouse suite’ fish-tank apartment where he thrived in luxury for 3 years. Sparkles tragically passed away during the heat-wave of 2015. He was committed to the deeps with full honors with a New Orleans Jazz Funeral (closed casket). RIP Sparkles.
  17. Chmaj owns over 30 automobiles, tanks, and fighter jets in one of his Mercenaries 2 save files.
  18. As a child, Chmaj used to live somewhere other than where he lives now.
  19. According to the fundamental laws of physics, Chmaj will fall at the same rate as something of equal mass if both are dropped from the Leaning Tower of Pisa at the same time.

You may be surprised to learn that these are facts and that you may have already known them, but now they are at the front of your mind.